Sin is no excuse. If you have returned home from fornicating, wash and bow. If you stagger home drunk, kneel before The One (even if you pass out right there). If you are so tired that you can barely stand, get on your knees and pray, even if you fall asleep in the sacred space. Indeed, if you are in prison, or living out on the street, do the good work every day.
This is the wrestling within, between the Vanity or Expression that formerly ruled over you, and Immanuel and The Most High, who will overthrow their power in your life.
The Ahyeh 79-80 - Dark Children of God
Sons of darkness use your evil against evil, and devote yourselves unto God – that you may become flames of righteous indignation, rather than bringers of shadow and woe.
Daughters of the night, become as the moon and stars in the evening sky; guides to the lost and defenders of the meek, protectors of those of weaker constitution.
It is written, that God sent unto King Saul an evil spirit to torment him, and put lying spirits into the mouths of the prophets of King Ahab. In the same fashion, you, who by nature cannot resist the call of Abaddon (the Destroyer), take no more the image of demons as your own appearance; rather, take the form of warrior angels and fiery seraphim, and channel your aggression toward the enemies of holiness and righteousness… Become the heroic guardians of the meek and the afflicted, the poor and the downtrodden. Unlike they that torture and despoil the innocent in the names of God, and thereby bring shame on the seven tribes, and damnation to themselves, if you must fight, then battle against them that harm the innocent.
It is a truth, that demons tremble in the presence of God's names, and there are very good reasons for their fear. For God is a light to those who love the ways of Agape, and God is a fire to those who oppose the path of divine love. You, who are infernal darkness, become a divine fire!
You must understand, there are angels, faithful angels, that serve in what we humans would consider 'dark roles.' There are angels assigned as wardens and guards over hellish realms, there are angels that shepherd souls in the Purgatories, there are angels that kill, angels that can lie, angels that can bring suffering and woe -- all within God's Will and Design. God is effectiveness, wholeness, truth... God plays to win.
In seeing ourselves as we really are, in individuation and integration, in wholeness of identity, some find that they are truly ravens of fire rather than doves of light.
I tell you true, own yourself, present yourself in truth and spirit before the Spirit of Truth -- "Just as I AM, O Lord!"
What else can be said, "Thy grace made perfect in my weakness!"
In the end, when all is seen as it is, sometimes you are living contradiction and your will is twilight or shadow.
Even in this, commit yourself to the process -- walk the steps, climb the mountain, do the devotions, become the dark angel in heaven's service.
Even in the Kingdom, there are those who will, in authenticity, serve in low places for the greater good of humanity.
If you cannot change, well, as the prayer says, may you be given serenity to accept the things that cannot be changed... the strength to live with the thorns that cannot be withdrawn no matter how much you beg.
As in all things, Urianism, in the fire and light of God, teaches us to be pragmatic, realistic, and turn negatives to positives, even our evil turned to serve the good -- and it is God, not humanity, that is Good and judges what is good and what is bad... and what humans consider good is often the bad, and what we consider bad is often the good... for we think in temporal terms and limited ways.
In Pryzmea (Our Eternal, What Dreams May Come) some of us dream darkly, some desire heavens that are hells, some seek the road of eternal conflict and struggle in the causes of The One. We are told to dream true, dream large, and ask for what we truly desire -- creative visualization, creative writing, artistic expression, offered and loosed unto earth and heaven in fire, bound in the earth and bound in heaven.... The Word becomes the seed in the womb of divine wisdom.
In this, we must be who we are, but who we are is brought into harmony with The One -- the One who is wholeness, truth, balance and realized life.
IF YOU ARE A DARK HUMAN-ANGEL OF GOD:
When peeling back the many layers of yourself, facing the mirror and working your way through all the BS of self-delusion, justifications, excuses, and the cloud of expectations from others, you find you are genuinely a soul that leans to the Sith side of the force (<sarcasm):
Don't lie to others or yourself, though confessing to humans is not required.
Don't make excuses or justify your behavior or soul-pattern in order to put yourself in a better light -- don't try to normalize or try to convince yourself or others that your choices are good and right... but rather, own it.
Present yourself to God, in daily devotions, in the steps of walking the faith, authentically, truthfully, and continue to ask for God's love, mercy, and will in your life -- ask God to direct you in ways in which your darker nature can be useful and constructive to the cause.
Walk The Walk Anyway - keep climbing, do the exercises, the rites, rituals, integration work, educate yourself and above all keep the daily devotions, keep working toward that relationship with God.
Black Robe - Black Sash -- this is a way that others can recognize that you have chosen this, and the church, in future days can thereby help channel you to things that are needful.
In terms of pop culture (Star Wars reference) - Urians all serve The One Spirit, whether they are Jedi, Sith, or Revanites (Gray).
The One is, for us, beyond human definitions of good and evil, indeed, Yahweh EL Elyon is, as a concept of God (like Anu, Atum, Uranus, Zurvan, etc.), what Carl Jung called The Abraxas... the personification, personalization of the Pleroma (fullness, allness), and is a being of harmonious contradictions, a reflection of the natural order and the law of pragmatic sacredness. We see in Yahweh, love and wrath, soft and hard, compassion and severity, feminine and masculine, nature and divinity, the union of earth with heaven. The I AM THAT I AM - I WILL BE WHATEVER I WILL BE.
The truth burns away illusion, it burns away our chains, it liberates us from our self-imposed prisons of mind and spirit, raising mortals into immortality.