It has sucked. Honestly, I have often thought about chucking it all and becoming a Muslim, or a devout Jew.... Orthodox Christianity has a certain appeal, especially the Russian variety -- it's very mystical and has a certain beauty to it, old world mystery.
We've spent a fortune, we've spent tens of thousands of hours... Well, trying to present old school mystical/theurgical/monotheism in a modern world, really just old world ways, versus sellout, watered-down, secularized, and liberalized/humanisitc modern religion and spirituality -- modern people just don't want the ancient paths, or even the original angels -- they want the fluffy, humanized, do as thou wilt angels (the pretenders).
My wife, the psychic-spiritual hell she went through, trying to cope with entities of power (crystal entities) moving about our home at times, and then there were the demonic attacks we all had to endure, including direct confrontations with living liquidic darkness... not to mention in the last few years of being shadow banned across most of the internet, because we have a gov file, and are Anti-WEF/Anti-Woke, anti-Covid-cult. Just being alienated from family, friends, the world, including the many that have come and gone from our ranks, has made it hard.
The half-hearted, sorta-Urians, kind of committed, and not, are the most frustrating... or those that have really just played us for various strange purposes... the spiritual harlots that can never quite commit to anything, not fully (religion and spirituality usually being only one thing they can't really stay in a relationship with).
Throughout the years, we've been asked to move here and there, uproot and re-settle, following "the path of signs,' and asked to do certain ritualized tasks; and we obeyed, because we wanted our lives to be about more than materialism and worldliness... Yet, trying to drag others into helping us (joining in the quest with us), who really just did not want to put that much effort into religion of any sort, and whose spirituality was mostly just talk and reading a few self-help books, has proven pretty much futile.
Then there is always the special-child syndrome to deal with, for no one ever wants to actually do the teachings, even read them fully, but so often they think they are an angel or a super-being in the flesh, and that we must automatically bow and obey them as a result. These types tend to go off and found their own things, because they don't want to actually learn and work on their eternity, but really just want to be in charge and glorified automatically.
Working and living in a community -- if you live in rural Born Again Christian or hard right wing America, it can be dangerous to be differrent... However, our teachings also totally infuriate the Marxist mobs, who have literally tried to burn out the rural areas to get at anyone who disagrees (aka set forest fires across the NW U.S.), and are very threatening to religious people in the cities. Then there is the constant scrutiny by agencies (remember the FBI is now on record as having infiltrated religious groups, posing as members), and there have been strange vehicles over the years, people standing outside near our fence taking pictures recently, in the middle of the night, with led-lights on their hats and masked (the led lights sort of mask them from the infrared of our cameras). Our neighbors seem to regard us as the neighborhood odd-balls, mainly because we tend to stay to ourselves -- we live rather monkish lives I guess, in some ways.
If you want to get off The Soul Farm (The World), the farmers (evil beings in heavenly places) don't like it... their human farmhands (leaders/elite flesh puppets) don't like it... and weirdly, the other farm animals (general people) don't like it either. Our own flesh-brain and the lower animal nature fights against us on this path, and repressing, only seems to make it stronger.
Urians are taught to be discreet, blend in, work from behind the curtain, use spiritual techniques to influence things, but also to quietly get involved in local politics and organizations, become influencers on the down low, grassroots... even do what we call guerrilla ministry (quietly spread books, handouts). We have at times had large communities online, over a hundred members worldwide -- but none would ever talk, participate, or do much of anything... What's the point of having a multitude of members, if only a few ever do anything? All the time we've got bots trying to join as well.
It's lonely as hell, especially for a rather broken, introverted widower and hermit like myself; for, since Julia's death, it's gotten a lot harder. We've tried to get a few members to move here, so we could have a little circle of fellowship, and they keep saying they are coming, but they never do... no one wants to uproot and travel vast distances to hang out with strangers they sort of know online (I get it). Though I've always wrestled with social anxiety (hate crowds) I've thought how wonderful it would be to have more interaction, just to have people to do the devotions with, and work through the integration and training with, share our lives with, as if an actual community -- barbecues and outtings, or just movie night, game night, with lots of deep discussions, brainstorming a shared Pryzmean dream, doing art or creative writing projects together.... Urian circles are supposed to be like group therapy (AA) in some ways, at least how we envision it, how it played out for the three of us, and our conversations as a trio here were often epic, and the two remaining don't really do a lot of small talk. It would've been interesting, fun even, to have our own micro-society, build a micro-nation in real life... even a sort of hidden nation/tribe, among the sleep-walking masses.
But alas, maybe those attracted to 'new religions' are just not the types to really commit, or maybe being in the 'searching' mode, one tends to just forever keep searching? Of course, if we were to behave like a 'cult' we would need an isolated compound and someone to micromanage every thought, word, and action of the members -- that seems to work for new spiritual groups... but expecting members to be self-motivated (each their own clergy) and develop a personal one-on-one walk, become their own mystic in a sense, has proven a bridge to far.
Wha-wha-wha... lol! Oh well.
Still, all this said, I can't be anything but this... I love the teachings... I love the idea of it... the dream of The Kingdom, the hope of Pryzmea... the way our daily lives are filled with paranormal and mystical events, it's awsome. The promises of Pryzmea especially motivate me every day, they give me so much hope, that our dreams will come true someday, even if somewhere over the rainbow as it were.
For me (in my creative writing and visualization), there is the majestic dream of Aethyria, within the Anutu-Ki domain (a dual galaxy in that parallel universe). Grandiose, yet, still that's what I call my imagined little corner of that nigh infinite realm (Pryzmea), a domain sphere of my What Dreams May Come, for better or worse, light or dark, a rainbow between. It is a hope I share with Raethan, and with Julia also.
I always thought people would love the idea (as I do) of creating our own personal worlds/heavens within The One. It's the formula of creative writing/art + creative visualization + prayer power + faith/hope/love = realization and perfecting of our dreams within The Infinite God. But it has never really interested most members, in my observation -- though having that internal goal (divine ambition) is exactly what lifts one toward the immortal course... The Creative Spirit of God loves it when Its children are creative and can dream of and conceive of eternity and life therein. No one ever shares with us what their Pryzmean world/domain would be -- no one seems to be able to put the necessary mental-spiritual effort into it; and maybe they are not ready for an immortal life in union with Creator(?).
We ourselves have seen many miracles on this narrow road -- from a rainbow sky behind the sky, too an angel made of light stepping out of a wall, just to smile and wave and vanish away... from strange entities roaming around at night, that seem to just want to say hi (peek-a-boo), too a crack of thunder in a clear sky, so loud it made our ears ring, after performing an exorcism on a property in Colorado. Channeling different beings, Jesus most especially, was an experience unlike any other -- his heart full of sorrow for humankind and full of love beyond all comprehension... the golden light that filled my chamber while in prayer that brought me to tears and hysterical laughter, by the living power of living love.... the smoke that often appears when we pray and worship together. If none go down this path but us, it's still worth it... each Urian is called to have that one on one personal relationship with God, and that relationship is what gets us across.
The most wonderful thing, is to realize that as utterly flawed, screwed up, and weird as I am, as outside of the norm and dysfunctional in regards to The World, STILL GOD LOVES ME! Still God shows me mercy, miracles, The Spirit gives daily encouragement, not toward being a goody-two-shoes spiritual Marxist (collectivist), as much as being honest with myself, seeing myself as I really am, and being whole, integrated, truthful with myself and with my God (living the Serenity Prayer). God is my buddy, a personal companion and friend, and we have filled many auto-writing pads with conversations of That Dream to come. A delusion? Perhaps. I'm okay with that -- for I have hope in this, a goal in eternity, and I've seen the proof for myself, not for you, but for me... and those who have walked with me, lived with me, who know me as I really am, warts and all, they have seen it too. I trust in this truth and have found God's divine love a daily constant reality. That's why I stay the course, or as Spirit says to me: Maintain your way, be not afraid, I AM with you always.
Anyway... blah-blah-blah... loneliness in the real world, makes me talk to much in this fake one.